Access to Insanity-Updated

Image by Madeline Laughs

This is an update for the readers of the ongoing chapter posts called Insanity.

Insanity will be opening for Public reading one chapter at a time as edits progress. If you read the original, then the new and updated version will be like reading a whole new story, but still with the twists and turns you enjoyed in the first one.

Your heartache; Better than reality tv

English: Arri lights mounted on a Bronto Access Platform from Nationwide Access after finishing a day’s shoot of Being Human. (College Green, Bristol, UK) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

by Madeline Laughs

Sometimes your heartache, your pain and misery and everything that goes along with it is nothing more than another person’s entertainment. I never really considered that someone this heinous could ever exist until I met a whole group of them. One of them even admitted that he liked being a part of the whole mess in a voyeuristic sort of way. Of course, at the time I thought he was paying me a compliment. Little did I know he had just let part of a much bigger truth slip out. When I realized what was happening I felt like I was caught dead on in the middle of a vortex of shit.

These were what I believed to be normal people. I thought they were kind and thoughtful and I trusted them to have my best interest at heart. They provided all the right lip service and consolations. They gave me their time and their good thoughts and I gave them plenty of heartache to go around. 

Insanity – Chapter 8

An Afghani farmer stands in the middle of his poppy field in Delaram, Afghanistan, watching U.S. Marines from 3rd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment Combat Train conduct a resupply convoy down Highway 515, from Delaram to Bakwa, Afghanistan, March 25, 2009. The Iraqi government is working to eradicate poppy cultivation throughout the country to improve the health, security and development of Afghanistan. Alternative livelihoods for farmers are being planned and implemented. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

by Madeline Laughs

I made my way out of the park to the parking lot and found my rental car. Sitting in the driver’s seat I pulled my cell phone from my pocket to see I had 5 missed calls. All of them were from Paul . I held the phone debating whether or not I wanted to return his calls when it vibrated in my hand and the caller ID read “Paul calling”. I snapped it open and said hello.

Before Paul had deployed to the Middle East I had tried my best to help him out of a few jams. At the time I was running a fundraising campaign for an art group I was involved with. Paul had expressed an interest, so I had put him in charge of helping with the online page.

The online fund raising site we were using was one that you could use to raise money for just about anything. I told Paul that he might want to think about raising some money to pay off his late wife’s school loans. After she died he was still responsible for paying this debt. I thought that was awful and told him to write the school and ask for a pardon. He said he had already done that and they refused.

So I told him I would help him do a fund raiser. I spent days trying to gather enough information from him to make a poignant plea and he caged and skirted giving me details. I kept asking him if he was being vague because he was ashamed to ask for the money and he assured me he wasn’t. I finally sent him the pages I had written along with the information on how to set up the fund raiser and decided that if he wanted the money bad enough, he could do it himself.

Later he told me he wanted to get a better job and asked if I would help him make a resume. I agreed to do this for him. When I started asking questions about his past work history including dates etc., he once again became cagey. This was another project started that I eventually gave up completing.

The second day of Paul ‘s deployment to Afghanistan I checked my email to see if he had sent me a message that he had arrived there safely and found nothing from him. I opened Facebook and sent a private message to Darby asking her to call me when she had time and gave her my cell phone number. 

Languages of Love

Today it is all about understanding each other, and finding a way to communicate around obstacles. My partner and I are very deeply in love, but we cope with stress very differently. I am someone who likes to be near my lover. I don’t care if they are on the computer, or doing other things, I would rather be around them than not, given my preference.  I grew up with a sib, so parallel play makes sense to me.  He likes solo time, being alone is normal for him, and he craves it. This puzzles me, and I am pretty sure he just doesn’t want to see me, that I’ve done something wrong. It has caused a lot of problems for us, and it’s pretty much the only thing keeping an otherwise harmonious union from functioning. So we are trying to solve the root issue, and see if we can find a way that works for us both.

I once worked for a brilliant  woman who was a devout Christian, and very serious about her marriage.  We were around the same age, and she and her husband had made the choice to not have children.  She worked every day on her relationship, and I really admired their lifestyle.  They seemed happy together, they had plans and dreams and worked towards them as a team.  I have been thinking a lot about her, and a book she recommended to me once years ago.  I’ve been talking about it with E and although neither of us is particularly religious we are finding it a useful tool.   

The Best Revenge is keeping your Distance

by Madeline Laughs

, from the title sequence of the Superman cartoons. Suomi: Fleischerien versio Teräsmiehestä. Français : , à partir de la séquence titre des dessins animés de . Italiano: Superman in posa solenne (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What I found to be true…

They say that when people hurt you the best revenge is living well. It has been my observation that once the people that hurt you start to realize you’re living well, they will be just nice enough to make you trust them again…so they can shit on your new found happiness.

People that hurt you the first time will hurt you the second time too. You worked hard to get some distance from them. Be nice, but don’t be stupid. Keep your distance and stay happy. 

Insanity – Chapter 7

Torso di Barbie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

by Madeline Laughs

After snapping several gorgeous photos of the polar bear lying on his back sleeping I stood there for a long time just watching him and admiring his great big paws. My cell phone started vibrating in my pocket and I pulled it out to check the Caller ID and saw that it was my husband. Clicking it on I made my way over to the benches in the exhibit and sat down to tell him all about my day so far.

While we were chatting my call waiting chimed in. I didn’t check it because I have a rule when I talk to my husband. I never put hm on hold to take another call. Whoever it was could leave a message and I’d call them back. A beep signaled that they had done just that, left a message. Not long after the first call beeped in the call waiting chimed again followed by a beep they had also left a message. Then it chimed in again. I no longer had to wonder who was calling. I knew it was Paul and his standard obsessive/compulsive calling until I picked up. I decided he could wait until I left the zoo and was back in my car for a call back.