by Madeline Laughs
That’s right folks!
It has finally happened!
I was on somebody’s mind so much that they couldn’t help themselves and they just had to sit down and write a song for me. I can’t decide if I’m flattered by their devotion or just a teeny bit creeped out because they were that obsessed with me.
Seriously, one of my friends that listened to it asked me if I had broke the girl’s heart because this is what people in love tend to do.
The song is called Like a Goat and it is a juvenile, 3 chord disaster. The singer tries so hard to make it sound like a happy song, but her singing voice, or the singing voice she tries to mimic with no success, butchers the lyrics so badly that the listener can barely understand them. Perhaps Closed Captioning would help?
She does the fake smile thing throughout the whole song, but as she reaches to turn off the recorder, she also turns off the charm. You literally see the light in her eyes go out. You can tell that singing this song does not make her “happy“
What can I say?
Everybody is a critic.
The songbird is my husband’s sister. For years I thought she was one of my best friends. Last year I stopped having contact with her once I realized she was a malignant manipulative narcissist and I couldn’t believe a word she told me anymore.
But hey!
She wrote a song for me!
My mother in law finally explained the lyrics to me the other day. She said “My mother always used to say this. She said you milk the goat and you milk the goat…” While she’s explaining she’s also making hand gestures mimicking pulling the goat’s udders. “You get a nice full bucket of milk from the goat. Then the goat gets mad and kicks the bucket over. And you got no more milk.”
Last July I got to listen in on a phone call she had with her daughter. I listened as my mother in law held the phone out so I could hear it for myself. Everything she had been hearing for years and had tried to tell me, but I never believed her. I had always defended my friend, her daughter, and was certain my mother in law had been mistaken and had misunderstood.
The truth of it all, finally sunk in.
The jealousy, the insecurity and the overwhelming hatred this woman has for me all poured through those phone lines and left me in a state of disbelief. This was someone I had trusted and believed loved me like family. Every bit of it had been a lie.
This was someone I did not know and had probably never known.
I cut off all contact.
She stopped taking her mother’s calls after that day until the holidays, when her mother sent her money because she wanted to spend time with her daughter. This reunion didn’t last more than a couple of weeks when she stopped taking her mother’s calls again because her mother refused to do what she wanted her to do.
“So let me get this straight. You milk the goat and you like the goat as long as she’s giving you milk, right?” My mother in law nodded and smiled. “But when the goat gets angry and puts her foot down, basically saying she’s had enough, you don’t like the goat anymore?” She smiled and nodded again and said “That’s right sweetie! You see, sometimes the goat is nice and then the goat is mean again.” She was pleased that I was able to understand the parable so quickly.
“Did she play the song for you?” She shook her head and told me she did not get to hear the song. “Did you think it was funny that she wrote this song? Did you think it was a cute song?“
She wasn’t looking right at me when she chuckled before answering.
Then she turned her head, her lips already parting to give me an answer.
She saw the look on my face.
My stone cold stare.
My unsmiling mouth.
My understanding of the parable, gone in an unintended direction.
“No” she said “I did not think it was a nice thing for her to do.“
But that wasn’t true and I knew it and now she knew I knew it.
My friendship with my mother in law had always been enviable by anyone that witnessed it. I love being with her and she and I do everything together.
In the beginning, when we started having issues with each other, I didn’t understand what was happening and turned to the one person I thought could help, my sister in law. Unbeknownst to me, I had turned to the person that was responsible for the mess we were left with sorting out, and she was intent on seeing it through until the bitter end. The jealousy, deceit and the undeserved manipulation her daughter had injected into our friendship caused both of us to suffer some major blows.
There was no reason for it.
I had no idea what she had been doing behind the scenes for all these years.
I didn’t want to believe it.
I loved them both so much.
My mother in law had shared her feelings with her daughter about the up and down relationship she and I had been having for the last two years, by using a parable that she understood. She thought she was giving her a gift by explaining this in a way that made it less threatening.
“You do realize that you and your daughter sat around referring to me as a farm animal, right?“
I continued to stare at her.
Her face was vulnerable and I knew she was on the verge of tears. I felt so sorry that I had to be the one to point out these details to her. I felt horrible that I had to be the one to tell her that instead of making it better, which was what she had tried to do, she had made it much worse.
“Both of you like me as long as you’re getting something from me. As long as you’re getting your “milk”. But when I get tired of having the life pumped out of me, when I get tired of being used as a slave to both of you and I put my foot down and I say NO MORE! then you think I’m being a bitch. When I get tired of being used, I’m a mean goat.“
Her eyes looked down and she wanted to change the subject. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore and I didn’t blame her. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore either.
Her daughter, an educated, bright woman in her 40′s, who will tell you within the first five minutes of meeting her that she has a Masters Degree, had listened to the sweet parable her own mother had shared with her, trying to make her feel better and she had twisted it into something vindictive and full of hatred.
What was I supposed to do with that?
One of my friends told me that this was probably the only way she felt she could get my attention. If this was the “only way” then she has used her one chance because there are no “ways” left for her now.
A goat is a farm animal usually kept on the premises for milk and cheese making purposes. You can use their hides to make water bottles, or to cover a chair cushion. You can use their dried feces as kindling to start a fire, their horns to create art or eating utensils and their dried intestines to make musical instruments.
Musical instruments?
How ironic.
In some cultures they are even gutted and mounted on a spit to be barbecued during the Easter holidays.
They are adorable little animals that will eat everything from the ground to the leaves on a branch and can strip a forest for miles around if left to their own devices and not fed properly by the farmer.
You have domestic goats and you have wild ones, but they are all rumored to have the same dispositions.
They were one of the first animals to be domesticated by human beings.
A female goat only has two teats. Hey! Just like me!
It is said that a goat will eat just about anything and this is a falsehood. A goat will sample and taste just about anything, but they are very particular about what they actually consume.
They stay away from anything soiled, contaminated and toxic.
Goats are very intelligent animals that retain any knowledge they incur while going about their daily activities. If they find a problem, they remember it. Their curiosity makes them aware of their surroundings and when confronted by a bully, they do not run. They are stalwart. They face the bully head on and they will fight back.
I looked at my mother in law, my sweet friend, and told her it wasn’t a big deal to me. I said to her…
“You see sweetie, she is happy as long as the goat gives her milk, but when the goat cuts her off, then she is not happy and she doesn’t like the goat anymore. She stopped taking your calls again because you wouldn’t do what she wanted you to do, right?”
She nodded.
I continued….
“I hope you understand me when I point out the facts here and that is that I am not the goat anymore. You are.“
I love my friend, I have spent many years with my mother in law and she treats me like I am her own child. That can never be undone by a silly song. She and I will continue to do as we have always done, except this time we are aware of just how much we mean to each other and I know that she has never intentionally tried to hurt me and she never will.
Everyone has the right to express their personal opinion and feelings in whichever way they choose to do it. You are the person responsible for what you bring into your own life. Not me and not the person down the street.
A good friend told me that anyone with self respect and value will not remain in your life if all you ever bring to the table is hatred, vengeful behavior and self loathing. Isn’t that what we look for whenever we look for new friends? We want people of value in our lives because it gives our life value. It’s great to have friends and it’s great to know that they support what you believe in, but a really good friend will tell you when you’re making a mistake or if they don’t agree with you.
A truly good friendship is strong enough to handle that.
Someone that always agrees with you and hates something just because you hate it, is not a good friend. Someone who sets out to publicly humiliate and hurt you, especially your own family, is not a good friend.
I only wish the best for the woman singing this song, but my best no longer includes the joy of my friendship. I might feel differently if I had done something to deserve what she has put me through, but all I ever did was love her and want to be her sister. While I am humbled that my exit from her realm of existence brought about this outpouring of emotive burbles, I am moving on.
Like a goat, I stay away from anything soiled, contaminated and toxic.
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A time or two in my life, I have known siblings raised in the same house by the same parents, and wondered at how completely different they were; and I mean different to the core. It’s a strange phenomenon.
My husband is the polar opposite of his sibling. He is quiet, though not reserved. He is diplomatic, honest and loyal.
He has his flaws, but none of them are mental ones.
He leaves his whiskers all over the bathroom sink when he shaves and puts away dishes from the dishwasher in any cabinet that they will fit in, but he does not hurt people.
When I married him and met his sister I thought I had hit the jackpot. Two for one! A husband and a best friend. The truth is I did hit the jackpot. I have a husband who is my best friend and I have a wonderful mother in law. With that I can be peacefully happy.
She’s missing out…but no one misses her.
How truly bizarre. This had me staring and reading like watching a musical trainwreck. From your recounting of the tale, turned out the trainwreck wasn’t just musical… I still don’t get the goat thing. But I love goats, they are very misunderstood creatures.
Evidently in an effort to bond with her daughter, my mother in law told her the goat fable and they had a good laugh at my expense.
The goat is nice and gives you milk (love), but will turn on you without any warning. That’s the gist of the fable.
My mother in law would never intentionally set out to hurt me and she was devastated when I told her what Becky had done.
So the goat was you? From the accounting of the story, the goat sounded like what the sister did to you…? She seemed to turn unexpectedly… I think that part had me confused. You didn’t seem to me like the goat in the story, when did you unexpectedly turn? If you hurt someone isn’t it pretty predictable they’ll react and maybe not want to talk to you? Ever heard the definition of Projection? They say it’s talking about oneself in the second or third person…
Are you saying my sister in law is projecting? That might be accurate, but I simply don’t care if she is, or not, anymore. The relationship I had with her is over. I am trying not to sound harsh, but any way I write this comes out how it is. Please forgive me. I am still processing all of this.
Yes, sorry for being unclear, she wrote the song, it felt like her projecting.
That seemed to be an issue for her throughout our 20 year friendship. She was always projecting, always trying to control and always manipulating the situation to her benefit. She had absolutely no concern for the pain she caused her mother or me. I’m not sure now that she was even aware of what she was doing because her blind pursuit of her mother’s love and approval was so consuming, but the fact she never realized was her mother loved her all along. It was seeing her mother love anyone else, including her brother, that blinded her. I feel sorry that she was in that place, but my sympathy only extends far enough to say it, not to show it to her anymore.
I championed her with her mother and her brother for years. When she announced she was a lesbian, I fought with her mother to have her mate included in all of the family gatherings. Only to have her tell her mother and me that I was never to be introduced as a “daughter”, only as “daughter in law” because I was not a daughter. She even told my mother in law I was not to get the same monetary amount in gifts as she received at holidays and on birthdays anymore. I was to get less. The list of transgressions I suffered, all in the name of family love for her, is endless.
Recently she posted publicly on Facebook that she was a survivor of childhood leukemia. We were shocked because according to her mother, she has never had leukemia, or any kind of cancer. The accolades and sympathies she received from her online friends made me sick to my stomach. It was the final straw that broke my back and allowed me to let her go without an ounce of regret.
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