Ask Regyna – Finding a Dominant

Dear Regyna,

I’m curious about finding a dominate woman in my area who would be interested in finding a submissive male. More often than naught it seems as if girls are more interested in taking on submissive roles than dominate roles.

Lone Sub

Dear LS,

We have been corresponding on this issue for quite some time now.  Actually you are one of the main reasons I have decided to do an advice column at all.  I met you online in a kink forum when you contacted me to ask about how to go from thinking about to acting on your kink.  I also have other correspondents, some of whom I have known for years, that seek me out for advice about sex.  Does the world really need another sexpert?  Probably not.  But apparently you do.  And so do some other folks.  And as it turns out I really enjoy sharing that sort of thing, it’s fun for me.  So I’ve decided to give it a go and see where it takes me.  Thank you for playing along!

Lone Sub you are in a difficult place in your kink journey.  You know what you like, you know what turns you on, and you have educated yourself about the scene and how to be a good submissive.  You’ve taken the time to get to know people, waited until you were old enough to legally pursue your interests, and acted in a respectful manner.  You have not, however, yet been able to find a partner to explore with, and you are beginning to get frustrated.  This is entirely understandable.  You’ve done all the right things.  You’ve put yourself out there and faced and accepted rejection with a good attitude.  So what gives?   

Ask Regyna – More Oral Please

Dear Regyna,

We have a great sex life, and I don’t want to make him feel bad, but I need him to go down on me more. How can I ask him to do more of what I like, more often?

Doesn’t Want to Offend

Dear DWO,

The old adage tell them three nice things for every piece of constructive criticism you offer is never more true than between the sheets.  Genuine praise and words of encouragement are very powerful tools.  Start out with telling him what he is doing right.  Tell him often, in and out of the bedroom.  When you do bring up what you need do it lightly, with humor, and when you are both comfortable, well fed and in a good mood.  Talk about it just the way you did with me.  You were very careful to tell me that you love him, and you are satisfied with your sexual life together.  You like what he is doing, you would just really love it if he did more of it, more often.  

There’s a Word for That

Most of my early experiences with people who had multiple partners involved lying.  Typically this was a man seeing more than one woman and not telling them about each other.  Some of them were in committed relationships, some of them were careful not to ever get involved to that degree.  But all of them lied through their teeth.

The thing that was interesting to me about Fireball Improv and its philosophy was the idea that it was ok to want whatever you might need as long as you found someone else who wanted the same things, and you communicated well, negotiated for what you wanted, got their consent, and everyone was honest.  It all sounded so civilized and sex positive and accepting.  I was intrigued.  

Ask Regyna – Turn About is Fair Play

Oh dear.  I suppose that’s what I get for being greedy.  When I went back to Wildly Shy for another question he informed me that I should now write about myself because that is only fair.  Well of all the cheeky things to point out, I never.  Well rarely.  Ok, perhaps I have, but frankly that is none of your beeswax!  Thank you good sir and may I have another.  Apparently not.

So the topic for today is the quickie versus the long romp.  Thank you so much Wildly Shy for putting the old Longlanks on the spot there.  Sheesh.  Blushing…

Ok fine.  Here goes nothing : D  

Ask Regyna – Wildly Shy About Anal

Dear RLL,

I have always wanted to try anal but I am afraid to bring it up with the wife.  How can I find out if she likes it without freaking her out?

Wildly Shy

Dear WS,

I’m so glad you asked!  Anal is awesome, and it still has a reputation to contend with, so anything I can do to open the doors, so to speak, is my pleasure.

If you feel like you can’t bring it up in conversation outside the bedroom, which is the least pressure way to broach new sexual subjects for the most part, then I would suggest playfully approaching the back door and asking politely if you may perhaps inquire as to whether or not it is acceptable to ring the doorbell.